So That It Doesn’t Get to Divorce: 10 Pieces of Golden Advice
Shaykh Dr. Muḥammad ibn Ghālib Al-ʿUmarī
Categorized under: Divorce, Marriage
The shaikh, Dr. Muḥammad ibn Ghālib Al-ʿUmarī, may Allāh protect him, said:
The starting point concerning relationships between married couples is that [they’re supposed to be] lasting and ongoing, not [ending in] divorce and splitting up.
So it’s not right that a couple mention divorce during an argument or dispute; instead, each must do his [or her] best to calm the situation down and solve the problem.
[Consider] the ḥadīth: “A believing man should not [completely] hate a believing woman [he’s married to]; if he were to hate some aspect of her character, he should [at the same time] be pleased with another one of hers.”
Meaning: a husband should not hate his wife just because he sees a mistake [she’s made] or comes to know of a sin [she’s fallen into]. And a wife is likewise addressed with the same.
Who’s someone who never makes mistakes?!
A wife mustn’t lend her ear to everyone who offers [her] advice, even if [that person] were the closest of close people [to her] like [her own] sister or a friend. She should only consider those who advise her from among them [whose advice is] in accordance with the dictates of Islamic law and wisdom; then [that person’s] advice will bring about more good, prevent harm, and fix what’s wrong.
How often it is a piece of advice looks like mercy on the outside while its inner reality and effects are [really] separation and conflict.
If both husband and wife were to take care of their individual responsibilities in family matters, in their marital life, and in whatever’s related to [their] children—and that [happens] by their fulfilling [all] obligations [in Islam] and knowing the rights [of others]—we wouldn’t find, under the portico of [any] court of law, anything of disputes concerning that.
Polygyny is a matter that Allāh has legislated for numerous wisdoms.
But many men who’ve engaged in polygyny have marred its image, [not having done it properly, it] then becoming a cause of losing their family and children. And they’ve put people off [polygyny] as well—those who’ve made it their primary occupation to [get other] men to do it; in fact, they [even] insinuate that those who don’t do it are lacking in their manhood!!!
Among the reasons [marriages] break up is weak moral restraint, falling into sins, and laxity about that; sins have a tremendous effect on the occurrence of disputes.
But few are they from married couples who wake up and realize that.
That there’s trust between husband and wife is a matter of utmost importance. A man’s looking out to discover [something bad] from his wife and waiting for her [to slip up] and a woman’s doing the same to her husband is proof that things aren’t stable [in a marriage].
Doubt entering between husband and wife is an announcement of a [potential] split and is a path from among the various paths that lead to divorce.
[The way] some husbands point out their wives’ faults [to them] again and again and then follow that up by mentioning their desire to get more than one wife is one of those things that kills the joy [for a wife] and leads to ruining a good thing and driving [her] away.
Then what kind of love does a husband expect to get [from her] after that?!
A wife’s showing she doesn’t need her husband, whether that’s by her being employed or by some other way, and [her] working to take over being in charge [of the family] from him, or fighting with him over it: all of that is from the causes of instability in a family.
The love [between a couple facing marital difficulties] has to be renewed; the differences and things holding them back from being together, put an end to–without them piling up, after which fixing things becomes difficult.
And [there must be] a resolve to take advantage of every means of bringing hearts together in order to keep out all cold treatment and distancing, [both of] whose growth the devil promotes and paves the way towards.
Source: @m_g_alomari. 25 Jun 20. 23:18 – 23:23 GMT+3.
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